Power of Forgiveness

Forgiveness is defined as the act of excusing a mistake or offense; compassionate feelings that support a willingness to forgive.  So many times when forgive someone we see it as an attack of our own pride.  When we view it as an attack we don't realize that we really haven't forgiven.  One of the hardest things to do is forgive yourself for the things you have done.  It is so hard, in fact, most of us do not forgive ourselves.  We may say that we have but the way we live our lives prove that we haven't. 

I think that oftentimes we feel a weakness for giving ourselves permission to forgive someone who has hurt us.  We allow the mistake or offense to become a bigger part of our lives than necessary.  We conduct our lives differently because of what someone else has done to us.  If you think about all the things someone has said and done to you, you may realize that you are living your life according to what was said and done.  You have given them direct power over your life... a power they may never realize they have.  They now control your thoughts about yourself and others.  They control how you live your life. 

"I, even I, am he who blots out
your transgressions, for my own sake,
and remembers your sins no more.

Review the past for me,
let us argue the matter together;
state the case for your innocence."
Isaiah 43:25-26



Forgiveness frees you.  It makes you whole again.  It allows you to live the life that God has blessed you with.  It's not always easy to forgive but I believe in taking the road less traveled.  There is something about forgiveness that makes me smile.  Forgiveness gives me a new light.  Every time I forgive someone I take a little bit of my power back.  Forgiveness opens you up to new possibilities..  So for me, I will forgive.


I forgive you for calling me anything other than my name.  I forgive me for answering to it.  I forgive you for cheating on me.  I forgive me for thinking that it was my fault.  I forgive you  for saying I would never amount to anything.  I forgive me for believing it.  I forgive you for not being there for me.  I forgive me for taking that pain into my life.  I forgive you for everything you have done to me.  I forgive me for everything I have done to myself.  


I feel so much better.  I'm holding my head higher.  My heart is no longer heavy.  My future is already brighter.  Look at what the power of forgiveness can do!!!


I Speak Thoughts

I Almost Gave Up

There have been so many trials in my life that I have almost given up.  I thought I couldn't handle the moments when my life seemed so difficult.  I thought I wasn't worthy of love.  I have shielded my feelings about my self from everyone so that I would not become their burden.  I talked to God in hopes of getting immediate answers and when I didn't get the answers, I almost gave up.  I have always been told that God doesn't make mistakes but somehow I thought that I must have been the one exception to that rule.  I couldn't help to think of all the bad decisions that I had made that changed the direction of my life.  I felt like every time I tried to move forward some force field would just knock me backward. 

My journey of bad decisions started when I was a very young girl, from the moment I discovered that everyone who says they love you really don't mean it.  My life seemed to be outlined with bad decisions.  I have always felt that I was a good person but the outline did not mirror my feelings about myself.  Somehow I think that I put so much pressure on myself to be all things for all people, that I forgot that I was only one person. 

In the past five years what I realize is that I have grown so much.  After the birth of my children I realized that I could no longer live a life outlined by only bad decisions.  I realized that there had been so many good decisions.  With every decision I made God was ever present.  He has been the guide through the story of my life.  I know for sure that every decision that I made has been navigated by God.  I say I almost gave up because I'm still here letting God lead me.  I know that every decision that I have been blessed to make has been to my benefit.  From the bad financial decisions to the better financial decisions. From the bad relationship mistakes to the great relationship moments.  From the way I discipline my children to the sparkle they bring to my eye.  Every solitary decision has been made through the conversations that I have had with God. 

I could admit that sometimes I refused to let God lead and it has been those times when I almost gave up.  Just when I thought that I couldn't live with another bad decision, God stepped in and carried me through.  It's true, what I have been told, he may not come when you want him but he'll be there right on time.  I feel his presence everyday.  I see him through the eyes of my children.  I hear him through the voice of my mother and grandmother.  I feel him in my spirit.  I'm honest to say that I haven't talked to God as often as I need to but I know he's standing by waiting for the voice he has given me to call his name.  I no longer have to hide behind my fear of bad decisions.  I am willing to ask God for the things I want and need and to accept whatever he gives whenever he gives it.  I truly understand that no person can take anything from me because they didn't give anything to me.  God places people in your life for a reason.  You may not know the reason right now but with every moment that reason will be revealed.  Only God has the power to give and take.  He will never give me anything that is meant for someone else.  And he has all power to take from me what he has given me.  So I say again, I almost gave up because I thought the things I had were a direct reflection of God's love for me.  What I realize is that I, not things, am direct reflection of God's love.  He leads, I follow.  I knock, he opens.  He gives, I take. I pray, he blesses.  There may be other times when I almost give up and when that time comes I will kneel down.

Living My Present

Recently I found something very special...my present.  It had been hiding behind my past and so wrapped up in my future.  It had dust build up because I hadn't really focused on it.  Then one day out of the blue I looked up and my daughter was 5 years old and my son already 2.  Where had that time gone?  I had been walking through life with my head down and I had clearly missed out on something.  What I realized was that I couldn't see my present because I was still focused on my past.

Now that I looked in this great big box, I am now staring at everything that I have been blessed to have.  My life partner, my children, my home, my family, my friends and my job.  I see my struggles but instead of pushing those to the side, I embrace them.  I know that I will have situations that will make me want to stop opening the present but when that happens I will get on my knees and speak up.  I know that God has his arms around me at all times.  I will work and pray that I can except the situations and grow through them.

I know my growth depends on my present because I have to go through it.  My present is just sitting here waiting for me to open and enjoy it.  So I will say what I want without being hurtful.  I will do what I want without being worried about judgment.  I will give you my opinion without concern about how you will react because after all it is my opinion.  I will be honest with myself and you.   I will love with my heart so that you can see it in my eyes and feel it through your soul.  I will be the greatest me that I know how to be.  I will open my present without forgetting my past all while looking toward my future.

I Speak Thoughts 

A Woman's Worth

I believe women have discarded their worth.  I always have great conversations with my, younger than me, cousins Mallory, Faren and Brittney about relationships.  These young ladies, like my sister, my best friends, Brooke and Shermaine, and myself, really seem to value our worth.  We are loyal friends, girlfriends and wives.  We understand the meaning of the word friend. We are able to have these great conversations because we know and value our own worth.  I know this may make some of the women I know angry but it has to be said.  Why do you feel the need to be with an unavailable man?  He is not available to you by his choice.  He tells you all the things you want to hear because he knows that you have discarded your worth.  I am not judging you but I am curious.  You are a strong woman.  You have and are providing for your children.  You are making your own money and you want to be in love.  I understand.  But please help me understand why you are falling for the man who is unavailable to you.  I am not saying that my relationship is perfect and has not been tested, I know it has, but I am not seeking something or someone in another woman's man.

Trust me I understand falling in love but to fall  in love with an man who is already in a relationship is not only selfish it's wrong.  If you didn't know he was in a relationship and you fell in love, that's different.  But as women, we know the signs and we sometimes ignore because of our pride.  I just want you to know your worth.  If you are holding on to a man who clearly is tied to another woman, you are always going to be the one who is hurt.  He's tied to her because he wants to be.  And he's holding on to you because you have allowed yourself to just hang on.  I want women to understand their worth.  It's not tied into a man, it comes from you.

I love having conversations with all the women in my life because I get to be open and honest about how I feel with each of them.  We don't always agree on everything but we listen and take from the conversation what we think will ultimately help us.  I have learned something from each of the women in my life and what I know for sure is that I am loyal to them.  I have never wanted what they have because I know my worth.  I have always known my worth.  I didn't inherit my worth from a relationship with a man, it was God given and strong woman applied. 

Let's Talk About Sex

I haven't talked about sex.  It's been on my mind lately.  I'm always trying to understand why parents have such a hard time talking to their kids about sex.  I really don't have that problem.  I like talking about sex because I like the education of sex.  When I was younger I never had the "sex talk" with anyone.  I learned about sex through reading novels.  I must admit that is not the best way to learn about sex but it somehow worked for me.  I definitely don't want my kids learning about sex that way nor from their friends.  I was fortunate enough to understand the ups and downs of sex.  Many kids today are not as fortunate to comprehend that.  Kids are having sex much sooner and most times unprotected with multiple partners.  In my opinion, it is because their parents never talked to them about sex.  It's not enough to tell simply tell kids don't have sex.  Face it, they are already having sex by the time you decide to tell them that.  I think parents think that if they talk to their kids about sex then their kids are going to automatically want to experience sex.  The truth is actually the complete opposite, in most cases.  If you have the sex talk with your kids and tell them the truth about sex they are more likely to wait to have sex.  They will not be ashamed to ask you questions if you have an open dialogue.  For me it is not a challenge to talk about sex with my children because I have already opened the dialogue.  Some may ask why are you having the sex talk with your 5 year old.  The answer to that is simple...she was curious.  Now hold up before you go saying that I am promoting sex to a 5 year old listen to this.  Kids are curious, not about the act of sex, but about their bodies.  If your child comes up to you and ask you where babies come from your answer should not be God alone.  They are not asking you how we came to be, they are curious about where exactly did they come from.  At this point the talk should be very simple.  Babies come from sex.  Don't lie but don't you don't have to give them play by play details.  If you are confused about what to say maybe you shouldn't have babies in the first place.

So let's really talk about sex.  If you want to know how sex is defined, look it up.  My truth is...I enjoy sex.  I enjoy everything from foreplay to intercourse.  In my experience, the best sex I have ever has been the time when I have been in deep love with my partner.  It's better when you are in love with someone because you are having sex more intimately.  You are often more open with your partner the more in love the two of you are.  I like having spontaneous sex but I love having sex that is planned.  I mean think about it when you know that it is going to happen you should feel more excited.  The more excited you feel the greater the sex is going to be. You alter your day so that nothing is stressful or tense.  You cook, clean up and put the kids to bed early.  You are prepared to fulfill fantasies and learn new positions.  Everything about sex with someone you love is meaningful and more connected.  You get so into it that nothing else is on your mind.  You feel some kind of burning passion not unlike those sex novels that I read when I was a kid.  You are so focused on the sex that you forget that your day was maybe not so good or that the bills are due and you really don't have enough money.  None of that really matters when you are having that great sex.  You know the kind of sex that R. Kelly sings about.  The sex that makes you want to scream his name and mean it.  That rough kind of sex that makes you want to pull your own hair. HAHA!!

I can talk about sex all day everyday...but I'd rather be having it.

Stay tuned!!!!

Do Not Touch My Hair

For over 10 years now I have worn my hair natural.  Most people didn't know this because I always wore it long and straight.  After I had my first child, I decided to cut all of my hair off.  Family and friends were shocked but eventually got over it.  My transition has been great because I didn't do it because everyone else was doing it, I did because I wanted to.  It was easy for me to transition because I never felt the need to please anyone else when it came to my hair choices.  I really didn't care what anyone said or how they would react.  Having natural hair is like freedom for me.  The problem now is that so many people think that my hair is either a weave or wig.  First of all, my hair is very curly, some would say even nappy.  I call it "naptural".  Recently there has been many celebrity women who have said that they have natural hair under the weaves and wigs.  I would like to see more of them embrace their natural hair more publicly.  Black hair is a billion dollar business and that's a great thing but many black people spend their money on other people's hair.  I'm not judging.  As a matter of fact I often wish I could afford to wear other people's hair sometimes.  But I digress...

I have recently experienced complete strangers, both white and black, invading my personal space by touching my hair.  Just yesterday I slapped a young woman's hand away because she touched my hair.  Not only did she touch my hair but she preceded to tell me that she knew it wasn't my real hair.  I didn't feel the need to go back and forth with this woman but I did tell her that this was my God given hair.  She actually tried to argue with me saying that it couldn't be my hair.  I thought to myself, how could a woman of color not know the difference between the hair on my head and the hair in the store?  I mean hair does not look perfect and I have a headband on.  I mean really, I don't understand.  She continues to have a conversation with her friend about my hair.  They decide that the hair on my head is "good hair" therefore couldn't possibly be all mine.  Now I could have hushed them up by letting them actually run their fingers through my hair but like I said, I don't feel the need to justify my hair to anyone.  The people who know me know just how "naptural" my hair is. 

With white women, my experience has been similar.  They have tried to touch and received the same slap as the black women but they have actually asked questions.  They seem to be more curious about black hair and how we can do so many different things to our hair.  I don't mind telling them that, like our skin hues, our hair comes in many different varieties.  It makes me proud to be a black woman.  Our ability to be chameleons without compromising our ethnicity is one of God's great gifts to us.  I didn't mind almost giving a history lesson because this woman seemed genuiely interested in my hair. 

Well the moral of this blog entry is...DO NOT TOUCH MY HAIR!!  If you want to know if it is God given or store bought...Just Ask!!!

Racism Exists

The other day I was in a big chain store and I experienced the worst kind of racism.  There was a conversation going on with a little boy, about age 6, and his mother, both white.  The conversation played out like this:


Little Boy:  Mom, are all black people crazy, stupid niggers?
The Mom:  Yes, baby most of them!

You can imagine the look of shock and disgust on my face.  I turned around and looked this woman right in the face and told her:

Me:  First of all, you need to teach your child decorum. He needs to know when and where to ask a question.  Second, all black people are not ignorant and at this point you are more of a nigger than any black person standing in this store. 

The Mom:  This was a private conversation.

Me:  The conversation happened loud enough so that everybody in this store can hear you.  The fact that you think it's okay for your child to ask the question and for your response to be yes is perplexing.  I guess you haven't realized that The President is black and he is neither crazy, stupid nor a nigger.  Get your life together.

That was the end of the conversation with this woman.  I kept my cool when I could have easily proved her point about black people.  The next lady that approached her was not as nice as I was.  She was yelling at the woman while this woman stood in a store with a lot of black people.  She didn't seem to care what the woman was saying but the look on her face when I was talking in calm tone seemed to have scared her. 

I didn't want to frighten the woman, I want her to think about what she was teaching her child.  I know for sure the racism is a learned behavior.  Teaching racism to your child is a form of abuse, in my opinion.  I have experienced racism my entire life but I have never let it define me.  I think that white people think that racism no longer exists as it did.  For me and the black people I know, racism is alive and well.  We are discriminated against while driving, while shopping and while working.  It may be more subtle but believe me it's there.  I must admit that some black people think everything is racist but I'm not among them.  I know what racism feels like.  It attempts to cut deep.

President Obama can't change the minds of people who are racist.  The Tea Party exist to promote racism.  If you don't believe that statement, just listen to them speak.  I have learned in my life that people will judge you first on how you look.  The first thing you see is the color of your skin.  My hope for my kids is that they never judge a person until they have had a chance to know them.  I would never teach my children to hate and when you teach a child to hate they become an adult who hates.