Single Mother Checklist

Forty hour work week...check.  Fifty hours or more away from home...check.  Children...check.  Not enough time or money...check. 

Everyday we get out of bed, leave our homes and kids for hours at a time and go to a job that can't even pay the bills.  We do this for many different reasons.  We do this because we love our jobs.  We do this because we love our kids.  We do this because...well what else can we do.  Living as a single mother (not married) is a hard task.  We spend most of our time away from our kids so the times we spend with our kids are more precious than anything.   It's not often as a single working mother that you can truly spend time with your kids as they go through life's many changes.  We must make the most out of the time we can spend with our kids.  We are raising our kids with morals and values.  We are teaching our kids independence.  We are teaching our kids to read and write.  We are teaching our kids about a higher being (God).  We are teaching our kids responsibilty.  We are doing all of this in a small window of time.  It is not easy being a parent but being a single working mother possesses quite a challenge. 

Guilt...check.  Absence...check.  Financial problems...check, check, check.

If raising great children weren't hard enough, now we must deal with the idea that we don't have enough money to raise our children.  We now are stuck with the daunting task of being honest about our financial struggles.  Telling the kids, " I'm sorry but mommy really can't afford to buy you that toy." I think kids understand exactly what that means when you say it but it doesn't prevent you from feeling guilt.  I know you're thinking back over your life, you know the life before the kids.  The plans you made for when you would have kids.  You know the before kids checklist:  Great husband, great job, lots of money and the ability to buy for your kids what you didn't have for yourself.  Well guess what the reality of your situation and many other parents situations are much different than you orginally planned. 

My solution is simple to say but has proven much harder to do.  Make a new checklist.
Stop feeling guilty...check.  Be present in the moment...check.  Set spending limits for yourself and your children...check.

There are plenty of solutions to live a better life and make a better life.  The resources are available.  Support groups are available.  Counseling is available.  Financial help is available.  The power is available.  It all lies in our faith. 

My Quest

It's so funny how I am so addicted to some thing.  I must admit, I really love my iphone.  It's my connection to the world.  It's my way to get away from it all.  In my quest to retreat into myself, I lost myself.  I started seeing the world through other people's eyes.  I don't know who I am anymore.  Well I will be Iphone-less for two weeks.  In these next two weeks, I plan on reconnecting with myself and creating my world.  I will spend those Iphone moments with the people I love.  I will enjoy my life and try not to worry about what's really going on with people that I do not aspire to know.  It's time to have some real conversations with God.  It's my time to spend teaching my children values and morals.  It's time to get back to me.  People will probably wonder what's going on with me...trust me I'm okay.  I just need this time away for a couple of weeks.  I am looking for something and I'm the only person that will see it when it presents itself.  If I'm too occupied with social networking I will surely miss it.  I'm not asking anyone for permission to find it. 

I want to thank my son for taking my phone away from me.  If only for the next two weeks. 

Let my life begin.

That What I Said

I know this life gets better. Having a family is a blessing. You have someone to walk this journey, called life, with. You have these little people who was chosen for you to care and nuture. You have this man who can make you experience every emotion known to man. And then you have yourself. It's so funny how women always put ourselves last. We're always the last to eat a meal we cooked ourselves. We're always the last to relax after a long day of work. We make it urgent to get everyone else in order. After the day is done and it's time for bed we realize that we have the order of the days events out of sequence. Yet the next day we do the same thing in the same order.

As a women and a mother and a girlfriend and a employee, I will eventually learn to set aside some time for me. Why is hard for us to ask for help when we need it instead asking we when have to have it before we go absolutely crazy. That's what I said...crazy. We want to be everything to everyone. Well I am going to be me for me. I've lost my identity and I am on a mission to find the me in me. That's what I said.

That's What I Said

I have a feeling that you really don't know me.  I know this because I haven't told you about me.  I haven't told you about my struggles and my desires.  I haven't told you about my trials and my joys.  I haven't told you about my sadness and my blessings.  You haven't asked.  I could tell you that I'm happy but that would not be true.  I could tell you that my life is great but that would be a damn lie.  I could tell you that I have everything together but that would be a false statement.   The truth is I'm a great person but I rarely let that be seen.  My exterior, at this time matches, my interior.  I am not happy so instead of feeding my soul, I feed my body.  My life isn't great because instead of being prayerful, I am being pitiful.  I don't have it together because although my mouth says God is first in my life, my actions contradict that.  The truth is I'm still trying to find me in this great small world.  That's what I said...small world.  I am building my relationship with God and what I am learning is that we are all more connected that we are divided.  That race and religion and politics and class doesn't really separate us.  Our feelings about ourselves separate us.  I have learned that it doesn't matter what we call him...God, Allah, Jehovah, etc...we all ultimately want the same things but we go after those things in very different ways. 

So if you had asked me about me I would have said...that I'm struggling to make it in this world but my desire is to have faith and continue to work towards a relationship with God.  I would have said that I my trials are many but joy will come in God's time.  I would have said that I have moments of great sadness but I am experiencing greater blessings.  That's what I said .  I said you really don't know because I haven't told you about me nor have you asked.  Come back and visit me and you will learn more about me.  And by the way I want to learn more about you.

I speak thoughts