That What I Said

I know this life gets better. Having a family is a blessing. You have someone to walk this journey, called life, with. You have these little people who was chosen for you to care and nuture. You have this man who can make you experience every emotion known to man. And then you have yourself. It's so funny how women always put ourselves last. We're always the last to eat a meal we cooked ourselves. We're always the last to relax after a long day of work. We make it urgent to get everyone else in order. After the day is done and it's time for bed we realize that we have the order of the days events out of sequence. Yet the next day we do the same thing in the same order.

As a women and a mother and a girlfriend and a employee, I will eventually learn to set aside some time for me. Why is hard for us to ask for help when we need it instead asking we when have to have it before we go absolutely crazy. That's what I said...crazy. We want to be everything to everyone. Well I am going to be me for me. I've lost my identity and I am on a mission to find the me in me. That's what I said.

That's What I Said

I have a feeling that you really don't know me.  I know this because I haven't told you about me.  I haven't told you about my struggles and my desires.  I haven't told you about my trials and my joys.  I haven't told you about my sadness and my blessings.  You haven't asked.  I could tell you that I'm happy but that would not be true.  I could tell you that my life is great but that would be a damn lie.  I could tell you that I have everything together but that would be a false statement.   The truth is I'm a great person but I rarely let that be seen.  My exterior, at this time matches, my interior.  I am not happy so instead of feeding my soul, I feed my body.  My life isn't great because instead of being prayerful, I am being pitiful.  I don't have it together because although my mouth says God is first in my life, my actions contradict that.  The truth is I'm still trying to find me in this great small world.  That's what I said...small world.  I am building my relationship with God and what I am learning is that we are all more connected that we are divided.  That race and religion and politics and class doesn't really separate us.  Our feelings about ourselves separate us.  I have learned that it doesn't matter what we call him...God, Allah, Jehovah, etc...we all ultimately want the same things but we go after those things in very different ways. 

So if you had asked me about me I would have said...that I'm struggling to make it in this world but my desire is to have faith and continue to work towards a relationship with God.  I would have said that I my trials are many but joy will come in God's time.  I would have said that I have moments of great sadness but I am experiencing greater blessings.  That's what I said .  I said you really don't know because I haven't told you about me nor have you asked.  Come back and visit me and you will learn more about me.  And by the way I want to learn more about you.

I speak thoughts