Someone very close to me asked me if I knew 10 marriages that I thought were good marriages. As I thought about, I couldn't name 10. I can name 10 marriages that had infidelity. I can name 10 marriages that ended in divorce. I can even name 10 marriages that didn't involve love. The thought of this question is scary to me. I have been in relationship for 8 years but I can't picture marriage in my future. It's not a question about if I want to get married, I just don't feel it necessary.
I asked my grandmother about marriages back in the day and she shocked me with her revelation. She explained that back in the day people didn't actually get married. They lived together and the woman took the man's last name because of the common law marriage. It made sense to me. Back in those days, people were looked down upon for not being married and having kids. That effect trickled down to their kids and now to us. I think when they were telling their kids to be married, they completely left out what marriage means. Marriage is a two people coming together as one. I have never read in the bible that it meant letting a piece of paper dictate that fact. The fact that more marriages end in divorce now more than ever is simply because back then people weren't actually married.
In general, relationships are difficult. They require hard work and dedication. They require trust and communication. They require love and happiness. Marriages are not different. The only difference is a piece of paper telling you you're married. We are told at a very early age that we need to get married, have kids and live happily ever after. The idea that happily ever after can mean being without a marriage is never mentioned. If people were more honest about marriage they would tell me what my grandmother told me. They would tell me the truth. The way I feel about marriage is my feelings. My best friend is married and I'm so happy for her but for me, I am not ready to choose that path.
If I could talk to my younger self, I would tell me to be who you are destined to be. Don't try to be who someone tells you to be. I would say your mom chose her path, your sister will choose her path, your best friend will choose her path and you will choose your path. It didn't take me long to realize that those paths would be different. I am happily unmarried, not because someone told me to be but because I chose. So for now, I don't know 10 marriages that are absolutely good marriages but I do know of some marriages that have stood the test of time through the difficulties, with the hard work and dedication, trust and communication, love and happiness.
I Speak Thoughts
