I have finally been able to free myself of a secret that I kept from my parents for 21 years. It was not easy to walk in the room and tell my parents that when I was 11 years old I was molested. In fact, it took me 21 years to build up the courage to free myself. There were many reasons for me finally revealing a secret that was made my life almost a living hell. I wanted to live my most authentic life and holding the secret had disabled that. I think that my molester held this power over me through his death. I was literally afraid of telling my parents because I didn't want them to feel like what happened to me was somehow their fault. For many years of my life, I actually believed what this evil person told me. His words kept my mouth closed and my life still. I believed him when he said that he would kill me. I believed him when he said my parents wouldn't believe me. I believed him when he said if I told I would destroy lives. At 11 years old, I believed him because then I loved him.
I am finally free to tell my truth. To tell you that I was a victim of sexual abuse doesn't even begin to tell my story. It may give you a glimpse of who I am but it doesn't tell you who I am. I used to be a little girl with dreams of becoming a lawyer and living a life free of financial burdens. I wanted to help people with their problems and I loved to talk. I had everything figured out at a very early age. I wanted to go to college on a full scholarship and pass the BAR by the age of 23. I was going to start my own law firm at 24 years old and own my home at 25. I had life figured out. You are probably wondering how in the world could a girl have everything figured out. The answer is simple...Clair Huxtable.
Unfortunately for me, those dreams died the day I was molested by a man (who shall remain nameless) that I loved. I want you to know that there was no sexual intercourse involved but that is neither here nor there. The abuse changed the course of my life forever. That start of the day was a typical day. I went over to his house to play like I had done so many times before. He always let me play outside as long as I wanted to. After playing outside and having snacks throughout the day, it was time for my favorite show at the time...Jeopardy. I remember him saying, " come over here and sit on my lap so we can watch our favorite show." The idea of sitting on his lap was not unusual because for as long as I can remember I would sit on his lap. But on this day it was different. It's funny because I felt the difference right away but I couldn't quit put my finger on it. What happened next changed my life forever. I remember feeling something hard touching my bottom so I jumped up but he quickly pulled me back down. I tried to fight but of course he was stronger than I was. I tried to scream but his hands muffled my mouth. He whispered to me, "if you scream, I will kill you." Imagine just for a moment being 11 years old and having someone you love threatening to kill you. I did as I was told and he continued to do what he was doing. Although I had clothes on, I could feel this something hard entering me. I know it sounds weird but I felt like I was outside of myself. I don't even know how long this went on but I seemed like hours. After kicking and moving, I was finally free from his grasp. I ran out the door and to my grandparents house and I never went there again. I didn't tell anyone what happened to me until years later.
When I was 16 years old, I remember seeing his face and every memory that I had somehow shoved away came rushing back. I started drinking just to try and forget about the pain of that day. I was losing myself. For the next 6 years of my life, I was a highly functional alcoholic. What most people don't know is that I literally drank everyday because my body needed it. I played sports, I worked at the store and I hid it very well. I went to college and I remember my best friend, Brooke, telling me that she thought I had a serious problem. I knew that she knew a little something about my problem but I didn't know the extent of what she knew. At the time, I didn't care. My turning point came when I decided that I could no longer live the life I was living. I made a plan to end my life to stop all the pain that was going on inside of me. (See Blog Post entitled September 16, 2005)
Today, I am over 6 years sober and I know that God has his hands on me. I finally told my parents about what happened to me 21 years ago. Their reaction has given me a brand new outlook on life. I realize just how much my parents love me. Of course, they believed me and they wished I had told them when it happened but they said they now understand why I am the way I am. The outspoken yet quiet child. The child who always has a strong opinion and will always stand by that opinion. The child who has lived her own life without making any apologies about it. The strong child that has grown up to be the mother who talks to her kids about the hard things. They understand that my life is the way it is because I carried the burden of that awful secret all alone. I don't want people to feel sorry for me. I have always wanted to share my story to help others to not go through what I have been through. I want parents to talk to their kids about the hard stuff to save them from the pain that I have gone through. I want people to be able to ask me questions about my situation and how I've made it through. I want to start a conversation that will surely help someone else. I don't want my story to be the story of you or your kids. I want to speak to people about the pain as well as the breakthrough. I want to LIVE my authentic life.
IF YOU OR ANYBODY YOU KNOW HAS BEEN A VICTIM OF SEXUAL ABUSE, PLEASE VISIT www.rainn.org OR CALL 1.800.656.HOPE(4673)
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Friday, November 18, 2011
Education for Parents
I recently had the opportunity to sit down with my daughter's teacher and talk to her about the education of my daughter. I was so happy, though not surprised, to hear that my daughter was doing really well in school. My daughter has always been very attentive and that has definitely extended to her education. I would love to say thank you to the teachers that has helped to shape my child's learning ability. The truth is she is in Kindergarten and I know that whatever she learns now will determine what and how she learns for the rest of her life.
Although teachers have helped to guide my child's education, I have to say that her father and I have always taught her the things that she knows. I believe that if parents are a greater part of their child's education, then the child will have a greater chance of being a very successful adult. When I was a child I loved to learn but I wanted it to come easy. As an adult, I can name every single teacher that taught me from Headstart through Senior year. Unfortunately for me, knowing all my teacher's name wasn't enough for me to become a teacher in a classroom. Instead I'm a teacher to my children. I'm their first teacher. As I sat in this Parent/Teacher meeting to get an update about how my 5 year old was handling her first year in "big school", I looked around and the room was practically empty. There were only six parents in the room including myself. For me, this was a very important meeting. The teacher was giving us an update on our kids progress. She also wanted to tell us what to expect in the next three months and what we can do to aid in our child's education.
After the meeting I started thinking about the parents who had missed out on this meeting. I thought to myself, what can be more important than this. For me, I wouldn't have missed this meeting and if I had to, I would have found a substitute for me. I'm not judging anybody but as parents we have to do much better as educators of our kids. I want more for my children than I have. I want them to be better through education. I know that teachers can not do it alone. It pains me to know that some parents care more about athletics than education; they care more about going party than participating in their child's education. Than they wonder why their kids can't spell their own name or count to 10. I'm not saying don't care about the other things but life should have some balance with education leading the pack. I understand that some parents are busy, hell I have a full time job 45 minutes from home, but you can still have balance. My daughter can read and even write a small story and she is 5 years old. She knows her numbers to 100 and the sounds of the alphabet. She knows her shapes and how to draw pictures. She has manners and loves to play with her brother and teach him everything she knows. She is a smart and beautiful little girl and her father and I and our families deserve some of the credit.
I had an epiphany after the parent meeting. Since I have become a parent, I thought my life had been boring. For the past 5 years I have basically been with my kids. I don't go clubbing (by my choice). I haven't really done anything without my kids, except the occasional R. Kelly concert. I literally thought I was such a bore. What I realized is that I have invested my life in my children's future. I have made decisions to stay in and teach them rather than hanging out and partying. What I know for sure is that I have put my kids' education above my own social life because I truly want more for them than I have. This is not about putting parents down for not attending a parent meeting. This is about opening your eyes to see that your kid's future depend on what you do right now. I'm saying that your participation in their education gives them confidence to want to do better in school. They are paying attention to everything you do, say and care about. You can change the direction of their life if you participate in their education. If you think going to a Parent/Teacher meeting is not important, think again. If you think reading them a book or helping them write their names is not important, think again. If you think listening to your kids tell a story or read a book is not important, think again. If you think wanting better for your kids is not important, think again. You are your child's first and most important teacher. They want you to guide them in the right direction. They need you to be tough on them when it comes to their education. You have to teach them more than what they learn at school so that they can be ready for this thing called life. I know this sounds cliche' but the kids are truly the future. If you don't want to be a roadblock to their success, then you need to drive the education car of their lives.
PARENTS & EDUCATION MAKE A DIFFERENCE!!!
Although teachers have helped to guide my child's education, I have to say that her father and I have always taught her the things that she knows. I believe that if parents are a greater part of their child's education, then the child will have a greater chance of being a very successful adult. When I was a child I loved to learn but I wanted it to come easy. As an adult, I can name every single teacher that taught me from Headstart through Senior year. Unfortunately for me, knowing all my teacher's name wasn't enough for me to become a teacher in a classroom. Instead I'm a teacher to my children. I'm their first teacher. As I sat in this Parent/Teacher meeting to get an update about how my 5 year old was handling her first year in "big school", I looked around and the room was practically empty. There were only six parents in the room including myself. For me, this was a very important meeting. The teacher was giving us an update on our kids progress. She also wanted to tell us what to expect in the next three months and what we can do to aid in our child's education.
After the meeting I started thinking about the parents who had missed out on this meeting. I thought to myself, what can be more important than this. For me, I wouldn't have missed this meeting and if I had to, I would have found a substitute for me. I'm not judging anybody but as parents we have to do much better as educators of our kids. I want more for my children than I have. I want them to be better through education. I know that teachers can not do it alone. It pains me to know that some parents care more about athletics than education; they care more about going party than participating in their child's education. Than they wonder why their kids can't spell their own name or count to 10. I'm not saying don't care about the other things but life should have some balance with education leading the pack. I understand that some parents are busy, hell I have a full time job 45 minutes from home, but you can still have balance. My daughter can read and even write a small story and she is 5 years old. She knows her numbers to 100 and the sounds of the alphabet. She knows her shapes and how to draw pictures. She has manners and loves to play with her brother and teach him everything she knows. She is a smart and beautiful little girl and her father and I and our families deserve some of the credit.
I had an epiphany after the parent meeting. Since I have become a parent, I thought my life had been boring. For the past 5 years I have basically been with my kids. I don't go clubbing (by my choice). I haven't really done anything without my kids, except the occasional R. Kelly concert. I literally thought I was such a bore. What I realized is that I have invested my life in my children's future. I have made decisions to stay in and teach them rather than hanging out and partying. What I know for sure is that I have put my kids' education above my own social life because I truly want more for them than I have. This is not about putting parents down for not attending a parent meeting. This is about opening your eyes to see that your kid's future depend on what you do right now. I'm saying that your participation in their education gives them confidence to want to do better in school. They are paying attention to everything you do, say and care about. You can change the direction of their life if you participate in their education. If you think going to a Parent/Teacher meeting is not important, think again. If you think reading them a book or helping them write their names is not important, think again. If you think listening to your kids tell a story or read a book is not important, think again. If you think wanting better for your kids is not important, think again. You are your child's first and most important teacher. They want you to guide them in the right direction. They need you to be tough on them when it comes to their education. You have to teach them more than what they learn at school so that they can be ready for this thing called life. I know this sounds cliche' but the kids are truly the future. If you don't want to be a roadblock to their success, then you need to drive the education car of their lives.
PARENTS & EDUCATION MAKE A DIFFERENCE!!!
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Disgusted
I am so disgusted about the madness going on at Penn State. People are rioting the fact that Joe Paterno, Head Football Coach at the University, was unfairly fired. I would have to agree with that...he should have been fired as soon as officials became aware of what happened right under his nose and with his knowledge for years. Joe Paterno is not the only person to blame in this case. Many people knew what was going on and did absolutely nothing to stop this from going on. The following is an alleged chronological order of events as reported by the Associated Press:
This is the most disturbing piece of information. I can only imagine how many of kids didn't tell anybody what was going on out of fear. These kids were not protected. Instead every adult involved in this entire mess protected the predator. He sexually abused little boys that he was suppose to help to be better men. And while this was going on, he was allowed to be participate in a charity that kept bringing little boys around him so that he can victimize. Everyone involved failed these kids in the worst way.
I don't know any of these people but I do know they entertained a man who continued to abuse little boys and they knew exactly what he was and had been doing for years. They hold as much blame as the Predator because they could have stopped countless children from enduring this life long pain. These kids trusted this man and the adults in their lives and they were betrayed in the worst way. On top of being victims of sexual abuse, they now have to live knowing that more people care about the coach, that knew what was going and said nothing, than they care about what happened to forever change the course of their lives.
The sad thing is we all know someone who is or has been a victim of child sexual abuse and most of us have done nothing to help the kids. We sit in our homes and say absolutely nothing when we know that abuse is going on against a child. Instead of saying something to protect the kids, we say nothing and protect these vicious predators. I am so disgusted by this story but this story is going on in every neighborhood in this country. If you think you are blameless you couldn't be more wrong. If you know that adults are having sex with kids and you say nothing, you are a part of the problem of child sexual abuse. If a child is between the ages of 0-15 years of age they can not legally consent to sex with an adult 17 years or older. Not only is it a crime, it is also disgusting.
I know there are plenty of people who will read this and think why I am concerned. I say to you, these are kids and I have kids. Kids who will one day become adults and what happens to them as kids will ultimately affect their lives as adults. My questions to you are...Why are you not concerned? and Are you a part of the problem or will you be the solution? Saving one child from abuse can save millions. If you or someone you know is a victim of child sexual abuse please visit www.rainn.org or call 1-800-656-HOPE. You can save the life of a child.
** report by the Associated Press.
{1969: Jerry Sandusky starts his coaching career at Penn State University as a defensive line coach.
1977: Jerry Sandusky founds The Second Mile. It begins
as a group foster home dedicated to helping troubled boys and grows
into a charity dedicated to helping children with absent or
dysfunctional families.
January 1983: Associated Press voters select Penn State as college football's national champion for the 1982 season.
January 1987: Associated Press voters select Penn State as college football's national champion for the 1986 season.
1994: Boy known as Victim 7 in the report meets Sandusky through The Second Mile program at about the age of 10.
1994-95: Boy known as Victim 6 meets Sandusky at a Second Mile picnic at Spring Creek Park when he is 7 or 8 years old.
1995-96: Boy known as Victim 5, meets Sandusky through The Second Mile when he is 7 or 8, in second or third grade.
1996-97: Boy known as Victim 4, at the age of 12 or
13, meets Sandusky while he is in his second year participating in The
Second Mile program.
1996-98: Victim 5 is taken to the locker rooms and showers at Penn State by Sandusky when he is 8 to 10 years old.
Jan. 1, 1998: Victim 4 is listed, along with Sandusky's wife, as a member of Sandusky's family party for the 1998 Outback Bowl.
1998: Victim 6 is taken into the locker rooms and
showers when he is 11 years old. When Victim 6 is dropped off at home,
his hair is wet from showering with Sandusky. His mother reports the
incident to the university police, who investigate.
Detective Ronald Schreffler testifies that he and State College Police
Department Detective Ralph Ralston, with the consent of the mother of
Victim 6, eavesdrop on two conversations the mother of Victim 6 has with
Sandusky. Sandusky says he has showered with other boys and Victim 6's
mother tries to make Sandusky promise never to shower with a boy again
but he will not. At the end of the second conversation, after Sandusky
is told he cannot see Victim 6 anymore, Schreffler testifies Sandusky
says, ''I understand. I was wrong. I wish I could get forgiveness. I
know I won't get it from you. I wish I were dead.''
Jerry Lauro, an investigator with the Pennsylvania Department of Public
Welfare, testifies he and Schreffler interviewed Sandusky, and that
Sandusky admits showering naked with Victim 6, admits to hugging Victim 6
while in the shower and admits that it was wrong.
The case is closed after then-Centre County District Attorney Ray Gricar decides there will be no criminal charge.
June 1999: Sandusky retires from Penn State but still holds emeritus status.
Dec. 28, 1999: Victim 4 is listed, along with Sandusky's wife, as a member of Sandusky's family party for the 1999 Alamo Bowl.
Summer 2000: Boy known as Victim 3 meets Sandusky through The Second Mile when he is between seventh and eighth grade.
Fall 2000: A janitor named James Calhoun observes
Sandusky in the showers of the Lasch Football Building with a young boy,
known as Victim 8, pinned up against the wall, performing oral sex on
the boy. He tells other janitorial staff immediately. Fellow Office of
Physical Plant employee Ronald Petrosky cleans the showers at Lasch and
sees Sandusky and the boy, who he describes as being between the ages of
11 and 13.
March 1, 2002: A Penn State graduate assistant enters
the locker room at the Lasch Football Building. In the showers, he sees a
naked boy, known as Victim 2, whose age he estimates to be 10 years
old, being subjected to anal intercourse by a naked Sandusky. The
graduate assistant tells his father immediately.
March 2, 2002: In the morning, the graduate assistant calls Coach Joe Paterno and goes to Paterno's home, where he reports what he has seen.
March 3, 2002: Paterno calls Tim Curley, Penn State
Athletic Director to his home the next day and reports a version of what
the grad assistant had said.
March 2002: Later in the month the graduate assistant
is called to a meeting with Curley and Senior Vice President for Finance
and Business Gary Schultz. The grad assistant reports what he has seen
and Curley and Schultz say they will look into it.
March 27, 2002 (approximate): The graduate assistant
hears from Curley. He is told that Sandusky's locker room keys are taken
away and that the incident has been reported to The Second Mile. The
graduate assistant is never questioned by university police and no other
entity conducts an investigation until the graduate assistant testifies
in Grand Jury in December 2010.
2005-06: Boy known as Victim 1 says that meets Sandusky through The Second Mile at age 11 or 12.
Spring 2007: During the 2007 track season, Sandusky
begins spending time with Victim 1 weekly, having him stay overnight at
his residence in College Township, Pa.
Spring 2008: Termination of contact with Victim 1
occurs when he is a freshman in a Clinton County high school. After the
boy's mother calls the school to report sexual assault, Sandusky is
barred from the school district attended by Victim 1 from that day
forward and the matter is reported to authorities as mandated by law.
Early 2009: An investigation by the Pennsylvania
attorney general begins when a Clinton County, Pa. teen boy tells
authorities that Sandusky has inappropriately touched him several times
over a four-year period.
September 2010: Sandusky retires from day-to-day
involvement with The Second Mile, saying he wants to spend more time
with family and handle personal matters.
Nov. 5, 2011: Sandusky is arrested and released on $100,000 bail after being arraigned on 40 criminal counts.
Nov. 7, 2011: Pennsylvania Attorney General Linda
Kelly says Paterno is not a target of the investigation into how the
school handled the accusations. But she refuses to say the same for
university President Graham Spanier. Curley and Schultz, who have
stepped down from their positions, surrender on charges that they failed
to alert police to complaints against Sandusky.
Nov. 8, 2011: Possible ninth victim of Sandusky
contacts state police as calls for ouster of Paterno and Spanier grow in
state and beyond. Penn State abruptly cancels Paterno's regular weekly
press conference.
Nov. 9, 2011: Paterno and Spanier, one of the nation's
longest-serving college presidents, are ousted, effective immediately.
Earlier in the day, Paterno announced he'd retire at the end of the
season. In the end, he didn't have that choice.}**
This is the most disturbing piece of information. I can only imagine how many of kids didn't tell anybody what was going on out of fear. These kids were not protected. Instead every adult involved in this entire mess protected the predator. He sexually abused little boys that he was suppose to help to be better men. And while this was going on, he was allowed to be participate in a charity that kept bringing little boys around him so that he can victimize. Everyone involved failed these kids in the worst way.
I don't know any of these people but I do know they entertained a man who continued to abuse little boys and they knew exactly what he was and had been doing for years. They hold as much blame as the Predator because they could have stopped countless children from enduring this life long pain. These kids trusted this man and the adults in their lives and they were betrayed in the worst way. On top of being victims of sexual abuse, they now have to live knowing that more people care about the coach, that knew what was going and said nothing, than they care about what happened to forever change the course of their lives.
The sad thing is we all know someone who is or has been a victim of child sexual abuse and most of us have done nothing to help the kids. We sit in our homes and say absolutely nothing when we know that abuse is going on against a child. Instead of saying something to protect the kids, we say nothing and protect these vicious predators. I am so disgusted by this story but this story is going on in every neighborhood in this country. If you think you are blameless you couldn't be more wrong. If you know that adults are having sex with kids and you say nothing, you are a part of the problem of child sexual abuse. If a child is between the ages of 0-15 years of age they can not legally consent to sex with an adult 17 years or older. Not only is it a crime, it is also disgusting.
I know there are plenty of people who will read this and think why I am concerned. I say to you, these are kids and I have kids. Kids who will one day become adults and what happens to them as kids will ultimately affect their lives as adults. My questions to you are...Why are you not concerned? and Are you a part of the problem or will you be the solution? Saving one child from abuse can save millions. If you or someone you know is a victim of child sexual abuse please visit www.rainn.org or call 1-800-656-HOPE. You can save the life of a child.
** report by the Associated Press.
Monday, October 17, 2011
Help The Young Ones
I woke up this morning and my twitter timeline was all abuzz about a 14 year old girl giving oral sex near her school. Sadly to say I was not shocked that this was going on but what I was shocked about was there was apparent video of the sexual act posted on this social networking site. I couldn't believe that people actually wanted to see this. In fact, I was disgusted. I would never watch a sexually explicit video if it is presumed that either party is under the age of 18 (legal adult). If you would, I just want to warn you that you would be watching child porn.
I would like to address several things about this entire situation. First, she is 14 years old and she is a child. She obviously needs to seek counseling either from her parents or some kind of adult figure and not publicly humiliated. The unfortunate thing is that she is not the only young person that is going through something like this. This little girl, like so many others, is being sexually abused and for us to sit around and not speak up for her is shameful. I don't know this little girl but we all know a young person who is having sex. It's so easy for us to sit around and live our lives and not worry about the next generation. If you would go to a school and ask the kids, of all ages, how many of them are or have been sexually active, the answer may or may not surprise you but it should wake you up. We are living in a world that glorifies sex and instead of educating these kids, we are letting these kids educate themselves. THEY ARE FAILING AND SO ARE WE. I know some of you will say it's not our problem to talk to these kids but I would have to disagree with you. If we don't tell them the hard truth then we will not only see a rise in STD cases and pregnancies but also in death among our teenagers.
It has to be said that I don't know this child's story but the fact that she is apparently performing sexual acts near her school makes me want to question her parents. Where in the heck are the parents while your child is participating in such adult behavior? I understand that you can't be in all places but this begins at home. I'm a new parent and I worry about my kids even when I know exactly where they are and who they are with. That will not stop for me because it will always be my responsibility to know where they are until they are adults and out of my home. I am not naive to think the kids don't lie and sneak around. I was a teenager and I had teenage friends. I just knew that sex was not an option at that age. Kissing, hugging and hand holding was fine but having sex was not on my radar because I had someone to talk to about sex. Parents assume talking to their kids about sex will encourage them to have it. I believe that it is opposite. Your kids are learning about sex whether from you or someone but trust me they are learning. They want to know what sex is all about and if you are not willing to tell them they will find another source. I have never been afraid to talk about sex. When I was 14, I read plenty of books about sex and I saw plenty of images about sex but I didn't have sex until I felt I was ready for the responsibility that sex will surely bring. My friends and I talked about sex but we made our own decisions about when to have it. I have never let anything my friends did influence my decision because I knew that I had parents to answer to. I was, by no means, a perfect teenager. I just didn't let pressures of my peers affect my choices.
There is also that fact that the little girl is not the only person that was in the video. There was a boy who was on the receiving end of the oral sex and a group of kids who was watching. This is not okay. Sadly, the young boy will probably be the "big man on campus" while the girl is perceived as a whore, slut or nasty. They are equally responsible for what is wrong with our youth today. The boy should be reprimanded just as much as the girl. I mean he participated in the act and he needs to be talked to by an adult. What's really going on when something like this is going on in front of a group of kids and not one of them speak up against it.
The worst part about this whole thing is the fact that adults have viewed the video and actually blamed the girl. They talked about what kind of shoes she was wearing. They talked about the actual act that she performed. They seem to have fail to realize that they have committed a serious crime. Child pornography is a crime punishable by imprisonment and having to register as a sex offender. Instead of watching a video, you should try and talk to a teenager about sex and what can happen if you put yourself in situations like this. These are kids and although they need to be punished for bad behavior they need to seek counseling so that the behavior does not continue. I would never watch a video if I even suspect the person performing a sexual act is underage. Not only is it a crime, but it is disgusting.
I Speak Thoughts
I would like to address several things about this entire situation. First, she is 14 years old and she is a child. She obviously needs to seek counseling either from her parents or some kind of adult figure and not publicly humiliated. The unfortunate thing is that she is not the only young person that is going through something like this. This little girl, like so many others, is being sexually abused and for us to sit around and not speak up for her is shameful. I don't know this little girl but we all know a young person who is having sex. It's so easy for us to sit around and live our lives and not worry about the next generation. If you would go to a school and ask the kids, of all ages, how many of them are or have been sexually active, the answer may or may not surprise you but it should wake you up. We are living in a world that glorifies sex and instead of educating these kids, we are letting these kids educate themselves. THEY ARE FAILING AND SO ARE WE. I know some of you will say it's not our problem to talk to these kids but I would have to disagree with you. If we don't tell them the hard truth then we will not only see a rise in STD cases and pregnancies but also in death among our teenagers.
It has to be said that I don't know this child's story but the fact that she is apparently performing sexual acts near her school makes me want to question her parents. Where in the heck are the parents while your child is participating in such adult behavior? I understand that you can't be in all places but this begins at home. I'm a new parent and I worry about my kids even when I know exactly where they are and who they are with. That will not stop for me because it will always be my responsibility to know where they are until they are adults and out of my home. I am not naive to think the kids don't lie and sneak around. I was a teenager and I had teenage friends. I just knew that sex was not an option at that age. Kissing, hugging and hand holding was fine but having sex was not on my radar because I had someone to talk to about sex. Parents assume talking to their kids about sex will encourage them to have it. I believe that it is opposite. Your kids are learning about sex whether from you or someone but trust me they are learning. They want to know what sex is all about and if you are not willing to tell them they will find another source. I have never been afraid to talk about sex. When I was 14, I read plenty of books about sex and I saw plenty of images about sex but I didn't have sex until I felt I was ready for the responsibility that sex will surely bring. My friends and I talked about sex but we made our own decisions about when to have it. I have never let anything my friends did influence my decision because I knew that I had parents to answer to. I was, by no means, a perfect teenager. I just didn't let pressures of my peers affect my choices.
There is also that fact that the little girl is not the only person that was in the video. There was a boy who was on the receiving end of the oral sex and a group of kids who was watching. This is not okay. Sadly, the young boy will probably be the "big man on campus" while the girl is perceived as a whore, slut or nasty. They are equally responsible for what is wrong with our youth today. The boy should be reprimanded just as much as the girl. I mean he participated in the act and he needs to be talked to by an adult. What's really going on when something like this is going on in front of a group of kids and not one of them speak up against it.
The worst part about this whole thing is the fact that adults have viewed the video and actually blamed the girl. They talked about what kind of shoes she was wearing. They talked about the actual act that she performed. They seem to have fail to realize that they have committed a serious crime. Child pornography is a crime punishable by imprisonment and having to register as a sex offender. Instead of watching a video, you should try and talk to a teenager about sex and what can happen if you put yourself in situations like this. These are kids and although they need to be punished for bad behavior they need to seek counseling so that the behavior does not continue. I would never watch a video if I even suspect the person performing a sexual act is underage. Not only is it a crime, but it is disgusting.
I Speak Thoughts
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
What's In A Word
What's in a word? I have always loved words. I love to read and educate myself through words. I believe that words have an undeniable power. The fact that people can use words either to help or hurt another person shows the power of words. Words can be used to comfort someone or to spread hate. Sometimes a word hits harder than any fist could. I have been told, by more than one person, that I am serious. When I initially heard the word it made me upset because I know the meaning of the word and I wondered why anyone would say that I was serious. I think I'm mature but serious, I just couldn't wrap my mind around that. I think I can be reserved but being serious just wouldn't register for me. I have realized that maybe I am a little serious but initially, I must admit, I was upset. I think I understood that serious is not just a word to me, it is what people think about me. That's how powerful words are and can be.
As I listen to the news, read twitter and facebook posts, I know the power of words all too well. There have been barrage of words aimed at the President since he first started his campaign for office. He has been called words that no other president has ever had to endure but black people have been hearing our entire lives. That fact alone proves the power in words. Word are lasting. They can shift the way you view others and yourself. Words can end relationships and begin alliances. Words can tear families apart and destroy marriages. I love words so much that I rarely use what they call "text talk". I just like saying and spelling the word in it's entirety. I have such a fascination with words that if I see a word I don't know, I will actually look it up in a dictionary and try to use it in a sentence. I think the relationship I have with words have been because of several great teachers I had beginning in Headstart.
The power of words transcend to every human emotion. I have to say certain words that I have used in the past I no longer use. I have a passion for words and to use words that have a deep history with hate, I have no reason to use. With that being said, I do not use that word that begins with the letter N and carries an extreme history of hate to describe or converse with anyone. I would like to say that no matter how you use it or when and with whom you use that word carries too much hate to ignore. I have used the word in the past but after listening to testimonies from black people who have been deeply affected by the word, I made a very conscious and easy decision never to use the word again. I have to confess...when I hear the word it upsets me. I think the new generation of people have decided to ignore the power behind that word. It doesn't matter what you say about taking power over a word with such hate, it does not negate the fact where the word was born. It was born out of hate and changing the spelling does not transfer the power. It has to be said that when black people use the word in the presence of people of a different race, especially white people, not only do you disrespect your ancestors but you release the power you THINK you have over the word. The discussion could be long and have many different points of views but, for me, I can find plenty of other words to use without even thinking about using that one.
I do think that the connotation in which a word is used plays a major role in any conversation. We are all different people so there is always a possibility that we will interpret words differently. You have to be willing to listen and hear what someone is saying. We need to understand that they way speak words are direct reflection of who we are. I hate it when someone says, "you're talking white" or "you're talking black". There is absolutely no such thing as talking a certain race. The way you use words can have an effect on the way people treat you. I like the fact that I can use my words the same way with any person I speak to. I like the fact that I don't have to use elaborate words to prove anything to anyone. But don't think because I don't use the words all the time, that I have no idea what they mean...I'm just saying!! I challenge everyone just to simply think about what words you choose to use before you speak them.
What's in a word? POWER
I Speak Thoughts
As I listen to the news, read twitter and facebook posts, I know the power of words all too well. There have been barrage of words aimed at the President since he first started his campaign for office. He has been called words that no other president has ever had to endure but black people have been hearing our entire lives. That fact alone proves the power in words. Word are lasting. They can shift the way you view others and yourself. Words can end relationships and begin alliances. Words can tear families apart and destroy marriages. I love words so much that I rarely use what they call "text talk". I just like saying and spelling the word in it's entirety. I have such a fascination with words that if I see a word I don't know, I will actually look it up in a dictionary and try to use it in a sentence. I think the relationship I have with words have been because of several great teachers I had beginning in Headstart.
The power of words transcend to every human emotion. I have to say certain words that I have used in the past I no longer use. I have a passion for words and to use words that have a deep history with hate, I have no reason to use. With that being said, I do not use that word that begins with the letter N and carries an extreme history of hate to describe or converse with anyone. I would like to say that no matter how you use it or when and with whom you use that word carries too much hate to ignore. I have used the word in the past but after listening to testimonies from black people who have been deeply affected by the word, I made a very conscious and easy decision never to use the word again. I have to confess...when I hear the word it upsets me. I think the new generation of people have decided to ignore the power behind that word. It doesn't matter what you say about taking power over a word with such hate, it does not negate the fact where the word was born. It was born out of hate and changing the spelling does not transfer the power. It has to be said that when black people use the word in the presence of people of a different race, especially white people, not only do you disrespect your ancestors but you release the power you THINK you have over the word. The discussion could be long and have many different points of views but, for me, I can find plenty of other words to use without even thinking about using that one.
I do think that the connotation in which a word is used plays a major role in any conversation. We are all different people so there is always a possibility that we will interpret words differently. You have to be willing to listen and hear what someone is saying. We need to understand that they way speak words are direct reflection of who we are. I hate it when someone says, "you're talking white" or "you're talking black". There is absolutely no such thing as talking a certain race. The way you use words can have an effect on the way people treat you. I like the fact that I can use my words the same way with any person I speak to. I like the fact that I don't have to use elaborate words to prove anything to anyone. But don't think because I don't use the words all the time, that I have no idea what they mean...I'm just saying!! I challenge everyone just to simply think about what words you choose to use before you speak them.
What's in a word? POWER
I Speak Thoughts
Friday, September 30, 2011
Music Connects
I consider myself a music connoisseur . I love music and the way it has the ability to make me feel. Music is the one thing we all have in common. It can bring you from a place of darkness to the possibility of light. It can make you feel good even when you feel so bad. It can put you in the mood to be with someone special. It can make you realize that you don't want to be with the person you are with. Music lends it's voice to life issues. Music bridges together the old and the young, black and white, rich and poor, even democrats and republicans. We all share a love of music.
For me, I am a R & B woman. My favorite artist is R. Kelly. I think he is a great musical genius of my time. He is for me what Marvin Gaye was to my parents. He breaths life into his music and leaves it open for interpretation. He has the ability to sing songs like Down Low and Trade In My Life and put them on the same album. Not only can he sing the hell out of a song but he has been blessed with the ability to write great songs for others to sing. I love the way I feel when I'm listening to the melodies and hearing the words. I can go on and on about the genius that is R. Kelly but I won't.
Like I said, I am a R & B woman. I love the music of the 50's, 60's and 70's. I love this era of music because of their abilities to embrace their struggles through song. They sang songs that spoke out against what they were going through. The men sang about treating a woman like a queen. The women sang about being in love with the strengths of the man. They came together for the benefit of everyone. History books tell us that behind the scenes that had drug and martial problems but you would have never known that listening to the music.
I must say though I am partial to R & B, I have been known to listen to every other musical genre. Music has surely changed. Men call women bitches and hoes while women decide to dance in their videos. I really don't like the direction that music has taken but I understand. Times will always change so I'm hoping that musical history will repeat itself. I guess what I'm trying to say is I am not a fan of rap. I don't like the idea that men call women out of their names and women are so quick to answer. Since when did that become okay. Music is interpretative so I'm pretty sure there is going to be people who disagree but I'm not going to listen to music that speaks so negatively about me as a Black Woman. These rappers talking about drugs, fancy cars (that they don't even own), big houses (that belong to the record executive) and other rappers (that are doing the same thing they're doing). Seriously, STOP THAT!!! The people of the 50's, 60's and 70's may not have had a lot but they made music to make you feel good. That's just my opinion. The reason I think music connects us more than anything else is because it's an art. I love music because it gives me something to think about all the time.
Music comes from experience. I can't like every song because I can't relate to every song. Music moves me. It gives me ideas. It educates me. It speaks directly to me. Music often echoes my feelings without anyone knowing. I love music because it connects us all.
I Speak Thoughts
For me, I am a R & B woman. My favorite artist is R. Kelly. I think he is a great musical genius of my time. He is for me what Marvin Gaye was to my parents. He breaths life into his music and leaves it open for interpretation. He has the ability to sing songs like Down Low and Trade In My Life and put them on the same album. Not only can he sing the hell out of a song but he has been blessed with the ability to write great songs for others to sing. I love the way I feel when I'm listening to the melodies and hearing the words. I can go on and on about the genius that is R. Kelly but I won't.
Like I said, I am a R & B woman. I love the music of the 50's, 60's and 70's. I love this era of music because of their abilities to embrace their struggles through song. They sang songs that spoke out against what they were going through. The men sang about treating a woman like a queen. The women sang about being in love with the strengths of the man. They came together for the benefit of everyone. History books tell us that behind the scenes that had drug and martial problems but you would have never known that listening to the music.
I must say though I am partial to R & B, I have been known to listen to every other musical genre. Music has surely changed. Men call women bitches and hoes while women decide to dance in their videos. I really don't like the direction that music has taken but I understand. Times will always change so I'm hoping that musical history will repeat itself. I guess what I'm trying to say is I am not a fan of rap. I don't like the idea that men call women out of their names and women are so quick to answer. Since when did that become okay. Music is interpretative so I'm pretty sure there is going to be people who disagree but I'm not going to listen to music that speaks so negatively about me as a Black Woman. These rappers talking about drugs, fancy cars (that they don't even own), big houses (that belong to the record executive) and other rappers (that are doing the same thing they're doing). Seriously, STOP THAT!!! The people of the 50's, 60's and 70's may not have had a lot but they made music to make you feel good. That's just my opinion. The reason I think music connects us more than anything else is because it's an art. I love music because it gives me something to think about all the time.
Music comes from experience. I can't like every song because I can't relate to every song. Music moves me. It gives me ideas. It educates me. It speaks directly to me. Music often echoes my feelings without anyone knowing. I love music because it connects us all.
I Speak Thoughts
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Justice or Just-Us
- Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.
Let's be honest, we have given up on the Justice System. A system that has been built on the death of black men and women. A system that works for the rich and against the poor. A system that murders the innocent and frees the guilty. A system that hinders instead of helps. A system that teaches our kids that Justice is For All while justice is racially motivated and class distinct. Let's be honest, the Pledge of Allegiance is a lie perpetuated by the government and taught to our children in school. The United States Constitution was written by a group of men, most of, who proudly owned slaves. We live in a place called the United States of America and we are everything except united.
I am trying to understand how we, as a people, can sit around and do nothing when we see injustice happening. We have been a witness to the injustices of this nation and yet we don't speak up until something huge happens. I, like so many other people, did not know who Troy Davis was until about 2 weeks ago. When I heard about his legal situation, I begin to research his case. It's sad to say but nothing about the outcome shocks me. Troy Davis was a black man in 1989 living in the south. He didn't have a lot of money and was only represented by a Legal Aid Attorney. For those not familiar with Legal Aid Attorneys I'll tell you who they are. They are lawyers who get paid by the state to represent you in a legal matter. Because they are paid by the state they are not given much time or money to provide you with the best representation that should be afforded to you as a citizen of the United States. Anyway, Troy Davis was convicted of killing and off duty police officer and sentenced to death, all based on eyewitness testimony. In the past 20 years since he's been on Death Row, 7 out of the 9 eyewitnesses who testified against him have recanted their original testimony. One of the remaining 2 witnesses is a man who allegedly, confessed to the crime to many of the people at the scene of the actual crime. With all of this reasonable doubt, the State of Georgia executed Troy Davis at 11:08 EST on September 21, 2011. I'm not saying that Troy Davis was innocent but I do believe that he should have been given the chance to prove, beyond any reasonable doubt, that he was. Like I said, I am not shocked about the events surrounding this case because this is not the first time a person has been "murdered" by our justice system and if we don't lend our voices to the injustice, it will not be the last.
My heart goes out to the family of Officer Mark MacPhail. I don't know what they have endured over the past 20 years and I pray for them. Last night while I was watching and interview with the mother of Officer MacPhail, I actually felt disgusted that a woman who lost her son so tragically could say that another mother's son deserved to die. Death is so final. Death does not bring another person back. Death is not the answer. I do not believe in Capital Punishment for any reason because I am not God. There is no person or persons who should have so much control of another person's life. I believe that EVERY person has the right to redemption. I also believe there is no timeframe for that redemption. I believe that people, know matter what they have done, can be saved by God. Who are you to say that a person should or should not die?
Yes, the events that surrounded the case of Troy Davis should be an eye-opener to every person who calls themselves free. I hope this opens the hearts and minds to ALL people. Freedom is not free and it comes at a high price.
#RIPTROYDAVIS
#RIPMARKMACPHAIL
Rest in Peace to those people who lives should not be in vain.
I Speak Thought
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